What to do when Mom gives disrespectful / alcoholic son practically anything he wants?
W asked:
Been married 19 years. Adopted son from Mom’s previous marriage at age 7. Son has never respected his Mom or me. He lies/ drinks/ been to jail for various offenses. Has no driver’s license for it was suspended 3 times, consecutively. Violated probation and was incarcerated for 3 months until Mom arranged treatment for him to get out. Went through 3 halfway houses finally finished treatment. Relapsed, got his girl pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I’ve been labeled he BAD Dad because I won’t put up with his ways. Mom takes her anger out on me when I try and put my foot down with him. She gave him her old car. He totatled it in 3 weeks. She has now signed for a 13 month lease so he can live closer to work. Has helped him furnish the new apt. Even given an old mattress out of our home so he will have something to sleep on. We now have to replace the mattress before next weekend for we have visitors coming. I am at my wits end. I have been told by him that his Mom is a beautiful woman and that I didn’t deserve such. Been told by him that I am a good for nothing and yet I helped raise him/ send him to college/ many different things. I am only told that I did this for my wife and not for him. Like I said he has been / is disrespectful to me and to her. Not sure what I need to do from here. Mom has gone to a therapist and with the first meeting decided to sign to the lease/ give furnishings etc. What do I do? I work hard to provide and so does she, but I see it all going to him one day and that is not acceptable.
Been married 19 years. Adopted son from Mom’s previous marriage at age 7. Son has never respected his Mom or me. He lies/ drinks/ been to jail for various offenses. Has no driver’s license for it was suspended 3 times, consecutively. Violated probation and was incarcerated for 3 months until Mom arranged treatment for him to get out. Went through 3 halfway houses finally finished treatment. Relapsed, got his girl pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I’ve been labeled he BAD Dad because I won’t put up with his ways. Mom takes her anger out on me when I try and put my foot down with him. She gave him her old car. He totatled it in 3 weeks. She has now signed for a 13 month lease so he can live closer to work. Has helped him furnish the new apt. Even given an old mattress out of our home so he will have something to sleep on. We now have to replace the mattress before next weekend for we have visitors coming. I am at my wits end. I have been told by him that his Mom is a beautiful woman and that I didn’t deserve such. Been told by him that I am a good for nothing and yet I helped raise him/ send him to college/ many different things. I am only told that I did this for my wife and not for him. Like I said he has been / is disrespectful to me and to her. Not sure what I need to do from here. Mom has gone to a therapist and with the first meeting decided to sign to the lease/ give furnishings etc. What do I do? I work hard to provide and so does she, but I see it all going to him one day and that is not acceptable.
Possibly Related Posts:
- New home checklist?
- Don’t want friends’ kids messing up my clean home - am I being reasonable or a jerk?
- my mum lives in knutsford in a mobile home, sadly my father died two months?
- Where can i find help to refurnish my home?
- How do I divide my deceased mother’s household furnishings?
hes been spoiled by his mum, if you dont mind me saying
he’ll soon enough see that life isnt just fun and games
he probs has a go at you cause your not his real dad, and his mum because she never tells him off
hes just stressed thats why he did all of those things.
if he thinks your all of those things then why dont yu be all those things. and at the end of the day tell him “well you told me i was those things so today i was” see what happends
and also you need a long break
good luck
god bless
xx
U have to put your DAD foot down & say enough of this non sense it wont be tolerated any more! UR not demanding respect so UR not getting any U have to put your priorities in order people will treat us the way we allow them too RU just an ATM machine they both need the rugs pulled out from under them
run, and make sure every thing you own tools, car, personal stuff you will it to some one in your family, it is a shame that his mother has enabled him to become a bum and he looks forward to whatever he would get if you died, please read the link posted as you may find resources to help with this problem.
It sounds like the guy has daddy issues and by daddy, i mean his old daddy, not you. This sounds similar to issues my sister and I had with our step dad when our mom remarried. We eventually saw reason and realized the guy wasn’t that bad. Sounds like you haven’t had any luck in that way. It sounds like you have tried everything but giving the kid the cold shoulder. Maybe you should try the “hands off” method with your wife’s son. Just cool your jets and quit worrying about him. Let her be the one to take care of him and it might lessen some of the animosity…*might* being the key word here. I know that’s easier said than done because you adopted him which means that deep down you feel some amount of love for her son, but the hardest part of parenting is letting your kids go and letting them make their own mistakes so they may learn from them.